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Lonely illness
Depression is a very lonely illness, no matter who you do or do not have around you, whether they understand or not, you are still so alone. No one else is inside your mind, they don’t hear your daily...
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2 Years On
2 years ago our school holidays started on a Wednesday, I remember this as it was the day I realised things with me were not right. I didn’t say anything then, but carried on as normal as I could, it...
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Parenting?
I have concluded that I am not actually ill, I am just a rubbish parent! If I was ill, the medication I am taking (and that has been increased on a few occasions) would be working and keeping me level...
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Monotone
It’s been a while since I last blogged, school holiday’s are not a great time to blog, busy during the day and then recuperating on an evening with chocolate and wine! (Which hasn’t been good for my...
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Time to Change?
I have just read this blog on The Time To Change website and really wanted to share it with you all, I feel it is so good at explaining how it feels to be depressed and how much work needs to be done...
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How does Psychology Help?
I have finally been assigned a psychologist, and have now been for 3 appointments. I was unsure what to expect, for starters it was a man, I had only ever spoken with female CPN’s and Psychologist and...
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Gremlins
After feeling quite despondent after last weeks psychology appointment I wasn’t sure how this week would go, suffice to say that it was much more hard going, which has left me feeling down, quiet and...
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Should I be sacked?
If I was in paid employment as the house keeper and nanny I would have been sacked by now as I am doing a very poor job as both! As it is I have to continue to struggle and battle with the housework...
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On my Shoulder
Sitting on my right shoulder is my gremlin, and each day he seems to be getting bigger as he shouts his negative thoughts at me, egging me on to feel down, fed up and rubbish. On my left shoulder is my...
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Failed!!
I have finally made the ultimate parental fail, I slapped my eldest because she had been winding me up all day and I snapped. It is an unforgivable action that a parent can do, made even worse by it...
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Today – 8th April 2013
Once again I find myself sat at the computer whilst all 3 children are playing on electrical items, iPhone, iPod and DSi. I am acutely aware how bad this type of parenting is, and doing it seems to...
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3 Years On
Next week TJ turns 3, and 3 years ago I was still innocent to the effects of mental health and names of different antidepressants, even though I’d had a brush with depression at university I had never...
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Body Image
I have always had an issue with my body and weight, which, considering my mum was always on a diet is not surprising. I’ve always managed to keep my weight within a few pounds of where I would like to...
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Who Am I?
I have been on medication for almost 3 years and it feels that over that time I have slowly lost who I am. Every now and then I see a little light of who I once was, but it never … Continue reading →
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Mindset
At my appointment with my psychologist yesterday he talked about changing my mindset, I need to change from having a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. So instead of thinking ‘how much have I achieved...
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Normal?
I’m starting to struggle again and I don’t feel like I have anyone to turn to. I’m fed up of feeling like this, I know I have got friends, but what they see doesn’t seem to go with how I … Continue...
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Tiredness and Mood
We’ve just had 10 days away on a camping holiday, something which I know I enjoy, I enjoy being outside and being away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and just being able to chill. Except...
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Being a Parent
When I was younger I remember thinking when I have a child I will do ‘X, Y, Z’, I can’t remember what I thought I would do differently except to be more openly affectionate. I also remember that I...
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Thoughts
We are at the end of week 4 of the school holidays, and I am almost broken. Thoughts of self harm are very strong, and the urges are getting stronger. The children seem to know that they can do as they...
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3 Years
It’s almost 3 years since I started taking antidepressants, 3 years since I admitted that all was not okay with me, 3 years since mine and the rest of the family’s life was changed forever. I would...
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